WARREN KING, L.Ac.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘ If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his Dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…. This particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are But dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

I found this on forwardedfunnies.com

AMAZING UNIVERSE FACTS

The incredible diversity of the cosmos is illustrated in the following examples:

• About 99% of the stars seen on a typical night are larger, more massive and brighter than the Sun. Each one is cruising through the milky Way Galaxy at about 50,000 kilometers per hour (30,000 mph).
• The star PSR 1937-214 is no wider than the city limits of a medium-sized city but it weight 500,000 times as much as Earth and is spinning on its axis 642 times a second. This record holder among the twirling stars we call pulsars is rotating so fast, its equator is moving at one-tenth the speed of light.
• Pulsars are incredibly dense. A thimbleful of pulsar material would weigh as much as all the water in Lake Erie. This density produces enormous gravity. If a spaceship could land on a pulsar, it would be instantly crushed by gravity into a puddle of subatomic particles about the thickness of the nucleus of an atom.
• A black hole with the mass of earth would be smaller than a golf ball. A black hole with the mass of the entire galaxy would be 10 times wider than the solar system.

How Many Galaxies?

The average galaxy is a colossal island of 100 billion stars, although much larger and smaller galaxies are known. But how many galaxies are there in the universe? To calculate this number astronomers use the longest exposures obtained with the Hubble Space Telescope and count the galaxies-typically a few thousand. That average is then multiplied by the number of photographs it would take to cover the entire sky. Of course, this technique misses an unknown number of galaxies that are either too dim or too remote to be picked up, but it does provide a minimum number of galaxies in the universe: 50 billion! The total number could be twice this.

The Universe Train

The universe is so vast that it’s difficult to establish a scale of reference, but this freight-train analogy might help put it into perspective. Imagine each star in the known universe is represented by a grain of sand. A thimble would hold all the stars visible on a clear, dark summer night. A dump truck would contain the Milky Way, the galaxy in which the Sun resides. To demonstrate all the stars in the universe, we need a freight train with hopper cars filled with sand. The train begins to pass at a level crossing. We count the cars as they roar by at one per second. The minutes pass, then hours, then days. We would have to keep count 24 hours a day for three years before the universe train would complete its pass. The universe train would use all the sand on all the beaches on Earth and would be long enough to stretch around the planet 25 times.

THANK YOU BODY

I’m so grateful body mine
You know just what to do
Serving me at every time
Yourself you can renew
The cells, they talk together
Through hormones in the blood
Which is warm in any weather
Life essence through me flood
Never ceasing to amaze me
Even when I’m sick
I realize the necessity
Invaders from thee kick
When I get out of the way
You know just what to eat
When I rest and work and play
Then you feel complete
With what wonder are you made
So many living layers
A bone, and muscle and skin braid
Through you I give my prayers
Dear organs, working day and night
What payment can I give
Your happiness is my delight
My life we two shall live
Liver, kidney, blessed heart
You all know what to do
Spleen and brain, oh every part
I really love you true
And when you’re feeling all at peace
All nurtured and well fed
Then from you I feel release
Yet ever with you wed
My body is the universe
A micro, macro game
I am thee, and the reverse
We’re two and yet the same
And so I bless you gracious steed
Long together may we serve
A wondrous being, from tiny seed
May you receive all you deserve

INNER TRUTH

O truth how shall I find thee?
No two seem to agree
The errors seem to bind me
All I want is to be free
I’ve searched in churches many
Read a multitude of books
But still have not found any
That haven’t any hooks
But when I close my eyes and pray
There’ a burning in my heart
I feel that flame will light my way
From there my journey starts
First I feel pure wisdom
Golden thoughts of light
Of my mind I take dominion
That I may do what’s right
Then I’m charged with power
Blue lightning blazing through
God’s will I’ll do each hour
His purposes so true
At last I’m filled with only love
Pink fragrant rose of bliss
I’ll make this world like that above
And heal all that’s amiss
With purity of motive
Determined to do good
My life shining like a votive
I’ll do exactly what God would
So finally I feel at peace
All of life’s my very friend
The sense of doubt of fear released
My torn soul is on the mend

INFINITE BECOMING

Life exists in all dimensions
Beyond all human sight
It is one, no division
Will you shine in the night?

Then cast off all your concepts
Admit you don’t know snuff
Go beyond the outer precepts
See past accumulated stuff

I AM the life within you
That beats your very heart
Made your shining Earth, so blue
And planned it from the start

That you could have a place to live
And stretch your heart and mind
To learn that all must give
And serve and to be kind

First the center of one form
Then a family
And on and on to be reborn
The heart of galaxy

You ask, is there an end?
This becoming, all the time
The answer: to transcend
Be one – spirit,  soul and mind

GOD IN NATURE

O God in all of nature
How beautiful thou art
Perfect in every creature
As intended from the start

We as co-creators
Helped life to form and name
And came to Earth to aid her
To bring blessing was our aim

To be masters of our feeling
Our every deed and thought
These desires were appealing
Before in our own web we were caught

But slowly gave we power
Unto that which we helped create
And now we fear and cower
Before that which we ourselved did make

Our soul with outer cover
So we could better function here
A gift from Divine Mother
To live in these dense spheres

Yet still nature does obey us
But we forgot how to command
Now we rule unconscious
With no bridle in our hand

Hatred, fear and worry
Sadness, remorse and grief
We’ve stamped upon pure energy
And now we seek relief

For it goes beyond our forcefield
Meeting more like unto itself
With that power we always wield
Burdening fish and tree and elf

And when this energy in mass
Nature can no longer bear
Upon our heads it does come crash
“An act of God” we do declare

Forgive our wrong desires
That we never meant to be
Spurring flood, cyclone and fires
We wish all nature to be free

We take dominion over earth
This body that we wear
Sending thought that has some worth
For all life we would now care

Be it an elephant or ant
However great or small
Erase from us the words, I can’t
And through us please help all

Thank you God for living
In such beauty all around
All our errors now forgiving
That we might make you proud

GLOW BUG

A pleasure of great height
Enraptures me around
A fragrance of a wild flower
Doth my soul astound
A little light of lightning bug
Aglowing in my hand
I put it on a flower
That now seems oh so grand
Then I gaze above my head
And see a glowing star
It seems just like that little bug
Just huge and yet so far
One day that star shall be done
And this insect sooner still
More passing even this silent night
And day shall dawn a new
Another star shall light the day
So close, we call it sun
Enjoy the life that it imparts
Come on, let have some fun
Now like a child in the now
No time there seems to be
Just one life everywhere
My feeling is so free

FOREVER HOPE

No matter great the darkness
There always comes the Light
However far the distance
The shore will come in sight
Whatever past has happened
It need not come again
How many times I’ve fallen
And then my ways did mend
Oh blessed Hope my friend of old
You’ve never left me long
After every sorrow
There always comes a song
Just behind each winter
There’s every time a spring
After storm the rainbow
And then does nature sing
From each seed that dyeth
A flower new will grow
Tomorrow will be brighter
This very truth I know
Remember, give up never
Seek and always strive
There always be another chance
As long as you’re alive
If off the trail you’ve wandered
Go back and seek the way
If night, then stay and rest awhile
For soon it will be day
There is no need for great regret
For what is past is done
Following the darkest night
Always will rise the sun
There is a law of justice
You reap just what you sow
But she has a blessed sister
Opportunity as she’s known
So never mind the backward step
How many or how few
Just as long as for each one
That forward you take two

BEYOND THE STARS

I gaze into the midnight sky
So many stars I see
Who can know the how and why?
Of cosmic galaxy 

Does time and space have an end?
My world is oh so small
A thought of awe and wonder send
A message to the All 

Of consciousness all is made
Empty space does not exist
From purest Love, without shade
Of this it does consist

Energy and life force
Condensed or spread apart
Within each part dwells the source
There is no end or start

The being who ensouls the sun
An average star, they say
Shall a galaxy become
For that is nature’s way 

Beyond the universe AM I
Transcend all finite form
Yet answer every child’s cry
And make all Life reborn

In quasars AM I singing
In pulsars do I shine
In wedding bells I’m ringing
Everything’s divine

The honey in the bee hive
The rainbow in the sky
The greeting when the trains arrive
The how, the where, the why

You don’t need a telescope
To see my radiant parts
Only take a ray of love
And see me in all hearts

Each life you behold on earth
Is an emanation of my Light
To see as such, impels a birth
In realms beyond day and night

Those who’ve made it beyond these shores
And transcended time and space
Have left these stars to chart your course
Your own way home to trace

AN ODE TO WATER

No odor doth thou release to nose
Nor color to the eye
No savor to the thirsting tongue
Now I think that I know why
Repeated drops a canyon carves
And labyrinths of caves
Reflecting all when stillness reigns
Or pounding rock to sand with waves
Two hydrogen they say you have
Is not that the composition of the Sun?
One oxygen combined with these
With the breath of Life you’re one
So mix the spirit fire
With the mind of air
And you get this substance
To which nothing can compare
Cycling through all nature
Ocean, clouds and rain
Flowing in all bloodstreams
Over chemistry supreme you reign
You purify and crystallize
With no seeming effort in your task
No life exists without you
But never thanks you ask
Merely streaming on your way
Without a backward glance
Nurturing at every turn
All being you enhance
Mother I might call you
For all that thou dost give
Or Water, as your common name
I thank you that I live