Buddhist Mantras

OM MANI PADME HUM

OM AH HUM VAJRA GURU PADMA SIDDHI HUM

OM TAT SAT AUM

OM WAGI SHORI MUM

OM AH RA PA TSA NA DHIH

OM VAJRASATTVA HUM

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SVAHA

OM NARANI JIVANTIYE SVAHA

GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA

TATYATA AUM MUNI MUNI MAHA MUNI SHAKYA MUNIYE SVAHA

Mantras to the Five Dhyani Buddhas

OM VAIROCHANA OM

OM AKSHOBHYA HUM

OM RATNASAMBHAVA TRAM

OM AMITABHA HRIH

OM AMOGHASIDDHI AH

Sarasvati: Lakshmi: Kali: Durga:

Hindu Mantras to the Feminine Deities

OM AIM SARASVATYE NAMAHA

OM SRIM LAKSMYE NAMAHA

OM KRIM KALIKAYE NAMAHA

OM DUM DURGAYE NAMAHA

AIM HRIM KLIM CHAMUNDAYE VICHE

OM MATA SRI MATA OM SRI MATA DURGA MA

JAYA DURGE JAYA DURGE DURGE DURGE SIVE SIVE

Bija Mantras to the Feminine Deities

Sarasvati: AIM

Lakshmi: SRIM

Kali: KRIM

Durga: DUM

Chakra Meditations

From the Base of the Spine to the Crown

OM AIM NAMAHA

OM HRIM NAMAHA

OM SHRIM NAMAHA

OM AIM HRIM KLIM CHAMUNDAYE VICHE

OM SOU HU NAMAHA

OM KRIM NAMAHA

OM AIM HRIM SHRIM KLIM SOU HRI OM

OM AIM NAMAHA

OM VAM NAMAHA

OM RAM NAMAHA

M YAM NAMAHA

OM HAM NAMAHA

OM NAMAHA

OM

Bija Mantras for the Chakras

From the Base of the Spine to the Crown

AIM

GLOUM

HRIM

KLIM

SOU HU

SHRIM

OM

Other Mantras

OM TRAYAMBAKAM YAJAMAHE SUGANDHIM PUSHTI VARDHANAM URUVA RUKAMIVA BANDHANAT MRITYOR MUKSHIYA MAMRITAT

OM NAMO NARAYANAYA (4x)

100 Syllable Mantra

OM VAJRASATTVA SAMAYA MANU PALAYA VAJRASATTVA TENO PATISH THA DRIDHO ME BHAVA, SUTO KAYO ME BHAVA SUPOKAYO ME BHAVA, ANU RAKTO ME BHAVA SARVA SIDDHI ME PRA YATTSA SARVA KARMA SUTSA ME TSITTAM SHREYAM KURU HUNG HA HA HA HA HO BHAGAWAN SARVA TATHAGATA VAJRA MA ME MUNTSA VAJRA BHAVA MAHA SAMAYA SATTVA AH HUM PHAT

English Translation

Om Vajrasattva, keep your pledge. Vajrasattva reside in me. Make me firm; make me satisfied. Fulfill me. Make me compassionate. Grant me all siddhis. Make my mind virtuous in all actions. Hum Ha Ha Ha Ha Hoh! All the blessed Tathagatas, do not abandon me. Make me indivisible.

Gayatri Mantra:

Om bhur bhuvah svah

tat-savitur varenyam

bhargo devasya dhimahi

dhiyo yo nah pracodayat

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS :

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS :

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS ! NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT :

When you rearrange the letters:

I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

Call me wood or tree, it’s just a name

An upward rising energy

You may call me ascending chi

Grass, flowers or the mighty oak

I’m the power behind all growth

Though I’m the essence of all humor

When blocked I can even grow a tumor

Present at spring, I give rebirth

Behind all laughter, I am mirth

Upward and onward, my motto and song

I see what’s right and not what’s wrong

I wake each bird and every child

I’m in the wind that runneth wild

The mist that rises in the morn

Each new day is the sun reborn

For all those yearning to be free

Look within and look to me

Though I am soft, I have no less power

My drops, through eons erode any rock

My nebulous vapor can rust any lock

I seek all places deep and low

I run not or jump, I relax and flow

I am the moist eyes of every daughter

To life I am mother, they know me as water

Lakes and oceans, rainstorm and dew

After the drought, all life I renew

Steam me, I’ll condense, freeze me, I’ll melt

I’m the flow of emotion, can’t be known, just felt

I clean out all toxins, remove all debris

No one can live a moment without me

Hear me in song in the cry of the loon

Poets depict me in the face of the moon

Restrict my expression and soon you’ll be old

Life is for living, water you can’t hold

I love to dance in fountain and spring

In each beating heart, in each cell do I sing

My essence can fill the deepest hole

Feel now my presence thou precious soul

No phantasm, or cloud, with me you’ll feel

Hit your thumb with a hammer, bang!

I am the essence who is most Yang

Those of the east, they named me metal

Perhaps the new age shall call me crystal

Strength, and tension, pressure and strain

The bone of form, the skull for your brain

God’s kingdom extended to the realms most dense

Valiant souls, they then journeyed hence

The fist of the victor, the diamond, the will

The spine of a cactus, an avalanche spill

To air I am thunder, to water I’m hail

My iron stokes fires, to wood I’m the nail

To earth I’m the shovel, I’m the essence of men

The bullet, the sword blade, the tip of the pen

The teeth of the lion, the nails of a hare

Feel my action, if indeed you dare!

The diaper of a newborn child

Earth, just turned, in garden bed

The roses of the newly wed

The freshest air, when storm has passed

The fragrance of the fresh cut grass

I bring the fire to life for form

Your soul with flesh I do adorn

Between the seasons I give you rest

Truly I am the cosmic breast

I would not have you burn your lips

You must have reality in tiny sips

A handful of dirt that teems with life

If you like, I am spirit’s wife

In volcanic ash new life shall creep

Pollen sprouting to pistil’s deep

The softness of each petal rare

Floral fragrance distilled with care

My joy to serve, as farmer’s toil

All you need springs from my soil

The light of life, of everyone

The heat that keep the bloodstream warm

The lightning of the thunderstorm

Wisdom of the sages mind

All impure I shall refine

Bees buzzing on a summer day

Children jumping, as they laugh and play

Quasars, pulsars, electrons too

All that’s old I shall renew

The hearth that comforts every home

I breathe in every centrosome

The glint in every warrior’s eye

The faith that martyrs never die

The glow of cosmos, the light of space

The speed of thought, desire to race

Beyond all form and every name

Behold I beat thine own heart flame

If you can’t read the small print, it says:

How soon is too soon?  Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that babies who start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and “fitting in” during those awkward pre-teen and teen years. So, do yourself a favor. do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.

This one says:

Why we have the youngest customers in the business. This young man is 11 months old-and he isn’t our youngest customer by any means.

For 7-up is so pure, so wholesome, you can even give it to babies and feel good about it. Look at the back of a 7-Up bottle. Notice that all our ingredients are listed (That isn’t required of soft drinks, you know-but we’re proud to do it and we think you’re pleased that we do.)

By the way, Mom, when it comes to toddlers-if they like to be coaxed to drink their milk, try this. Add 7-Up to the milk in equal parts, pouring the 7-Up gently into the milk. It’s a wholesome combination-and it works! Make 7-Up your family drink. You like it…it likes you!

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘ If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his Dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…. This particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are But dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

I found this on forwardedfunnies.com

The incredible diversity of the cosmos is illustrated in the following examples:

• About 99% of the stars seen on a typical night are larger, more massive and brighter than the Sun. Each one is cruising through the milky Way Galaxy at about 50,000 kilometers per hour (30,000 mph).
• The star PSR 1937-214 is no wider than the city limits of a medium-sized city but it weight 500,000 times as much as Earth and is spinning on its axis 642 times a second. This record holder among the twirling stars we call pulsars is rotating so fast, its equator is moving at one-tenth the speed of light.
• Pulsars are incredibly dense. A thimbleful of pulsar material would weigh as much as all the water in Lake Erie. This density produces enormous gravity. If a spaceship could land on a pulsar, it would be instantly crushed by gravity into a puddle of subatomic particles about the thickness of the nucleus of an atom.
• A black hole with the mass of earth would be smaller than a golf ball. A black hole with the mass of the entire galaxy would be 10 times wider than the solar system.

How Many Galaxies?

The average galaxy is a colossal island of 100 billion stars, although much larger and smaller galaxies are known. But how many galaxies are there in the universe? To calculate this number astronomers use the longest exposures obtained with the Hubble Space Telescope and count the galaxies-typically a few thousand. That average is then multiplied by the number of photographs it would take to cover the entire sky. Of course, this technique misses an unknown number of galaxies that are either too dim or too remote to be picked up, but it does provide a minimum number of galaxies in the universe: 50 billion! The total number could be twice this.

The Universe Train

The universe is so vast that it’s difficult to establish a scale of reference, but this freight-train analogy might help put it into perspective. Imagine each star in the known universe is represented by a grain of sand. A thimble would hold all the stars visible on a clear, dark summer night. A dump truck would contain the Milky Way, the galaxy in which the Sun resides. To demonstrate all the stars in the universe, we need a freight train with hopper cars filled with sand. The train begins to pass at a level crossing. We count the cars as they roar by at one per second. The minutes pass, then hours, then days. We would have to keep count 24 hours a day for three years before the universe train would complete its pass. The universe train would use all the sand on all the beaches on Earth and would be long enough to stretch around the planet 25 times.